


a purer joy

by sarahcakes613



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Inspired by Poetry, Literary Theory, M/M, Making Out, Reading Aloud, Roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:00:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25395025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahcakes613/pseuds/sarahcakes613
Summary: Rafael's roommate Sonny is struggling to understand a poem for his litcrit class. Rafael offers to read it out loud to him. The poem says everything they want to say to each other.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 64





	a purer joy

**Author's Note:**

> I came across this beautiful Adrienne Rich poem at work a couple of weeks ago and immediately felt it had Barisi written all over it. Nadia, beautiful, brilliant enabler that she is, encouraged me to run with it. So I did.
> 
> Italicized quotes are the poem. It can be read in it's original line formatting [here.](https://poets.org/poem/twenty-one-love-poems-poem-iii)

When Rafael comes home, Sonny is lying upside down on the sofa, his head and torso on the cushions and his feet dangling off one arm. He’s holding a book up in the air in front of him and Rafael is tempted to pull his toe just to see if he drops the book on his face.

He walks over, turning his head to the side to see what Sonny’s so wrapped up in. It’s a compilation of feminist poetry of the 20th century, and whatever he’s reading has Sonny pursing his lips and furrowing his brow, a highlighter cap stuck between his teeth.

He sees Rafael out of the corner of his eye and lowers the book, spitting the cap out of his mouth.

“How’d your seminar go?” He asks, hauling his upper body up into a normal seated position.

“It was good, I think. No one seemed put out that a grad student was leading it, so there may be hope for my teaching future.”

Rafael says it absently, distracted by how easily Sonny curled up from a reclining position. His own core strength is such that he’d have had to grab the back of the sofa, or shifted his legs first.

“Hey, I know we said video games tonight, but do you mind if I bail on you? I need to write a 2500-word essay on this poem for Friday and I can’t make heads or tails of it. This lady, she makes no sense.”

Rafael nods. “No worries, we can game another time. Who’s the poet? I know I’m just a lowly Economics major, but I did take a couple of the English classes during my undergrad.”

Sonny looks at him skeptically, but hands him the book, open to the poem in question. It’s an Adrienne Rich poem, not a writer Rafael is familiar with. All the same, he’s offered to help.

“Why don’t I try reading it out loud to you?” He asks, finally shrugging his jacket off and unbuttoning his collar. “Sometimes hearing the words can shake loose some meaning.”

Sonny bites his lip, thinking. “It’s as good a method as any, I guess, sure.” He grabs his notebook and a pen, sinks back into the sofa cushions, and looks up at Rafael expectantly.

Rafael runs his finger down the page to the first line and begins reading.

_“Since we’re not young, weeks have to do time for years of missing each other. Yet only this odd warp in time tells me we’re not young.”_

He looks over at Sonny, who has his eyes closed, listening intently. He continues.

_“Did I ever walk the morning streets at twenty, my limbs streaming with a purer joy?”_

Sonny opens his eyes and scribbles a few notes.

“Hang on, don’t keep readin’ yet. I think I got something.”

“Oh?” Rafael is intrigued what those few lines might have given Sonny.

“Yeah, listen, she’s saying like, because they’re older, they gotta lot of time to make up for, but they have to cram it into less time, right? Like, they need to try and pack years of being together in only a few weeks, because…they’re really old, I guess?”

He scrunches up his forehead as he thinks about it. “She’s definitely sayin’ something about falling in love when you’re older, I’m pretty sure. Keep going?”

Rafael clears his throat. He repeats the last line and then keeps reading.

_“Did I ever walk the morning streets at twenty, my limbs streaming with a purer joy? did I lean from any window over the city listening for the future as I listen here with nerves tuned for your ring?”_

He looks at Sonny, whose lips are moving as he mumbles to himself, either the poem or his own thoughts, Rafael can’t tell. Rafael is enjoying this, the poem is beautiful, and he’s glad to be of help to his roommate.

They’ve only been roommates for a few months. Rafael is in his second term of an intense master’s program and had needed a roommate when it became clear he couldn’t keep to his original work schedule. Sonny had replied to his post on the university’s student housing board, a second-year English major who had gotten sick of the commute from his parents home on Staten Island. They’re sharing Rafael’s apartment, and it’s been a smooth ride so far.

They’ve got enough shared interests that spending time together hasn’t felt awkward, even if their academic routes don’t merge anywhere. They have dinner together most nights one of them isn’t working or in an evening class, and Sonny’s even already invited Rafael home for Easter, an offer he’s still thinking about.

He likes hanging out with Sonny, and they’ve yet to have to deal with any serious fights, their drama has largely been kept to things like who left dishes in the sink, or who forgot to mention that he’d used the last of the milk.

They’re both out to each other. Rafael had been open in his original posting that his potential roomie had to be queer-positive because he may be single, but he’s not willing to let some bigoted roommate prevent the possibility of bringing someone home.

Sonny had replied positively, telling Rafael just enough about himself to make it clear that any negativity about Rafael’s being gay would be tantamount to hypocrisy.

It’s also never been an issue because Rafael has yet to bring someone home. He’s gone out a few times on lacklustre dates, spent the occasional Friday night at the local meat market, but he’s always come home ~~to Sonny~~ alone. He’s always come home alone.

His best friend Rita had taken one look at his new roommate the weekend he moved in and almost laughed herself into an asthma attack. Sonny had stood there looking bewildered while Rita wheezed and Rafael rolled his eyes.

Later, Rita had apologized but had also made it clear that she saw the writing on the wall.

“You’re going to fall in love with that boy.” She’d said bluntly. “And you better hope he feels the same, because you’ve already used up your quota of crying on my shoulder this year.”

He’d blown her off then, and he knows he shouldn’t have, because she was right. He has, in point of fact, fallen a little bit in love with his roommate. Sonny is sweet, and good-natured, and smart, and Rafael is only one of those things himself.

“Raf?”

He’s drawn from his thoughts by said roommate, who is looking up at him curiously.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, sorry.” He clears his throat. “Should I keep going?”

“Please.” Sonny smiles shyly. “I think this is really helping. You’re a good orator.”

He wants to make a sly comment about other things his mouth is good for, but he doesn’t. He begins to move around the room as he walks, moving slowly around the sofa so he is behind Sonny.

_“And you, you move toward me with the same tempo.”_

From this angle, he can see the short hairs on the back of Sonny’s neck. They are raised, and the tips of his ears are pink. His head is turned slightly, his eyes trying to follow Rafael without actually moving to keep him in view.

“Why don’t –“ Rafael’s throat is dry. “Why don’t you read the next bit out?”

He puts the book down next to Sonny and goes to his backpack for his water bottle.

Sonny picks up where he left. His reading voice is slower and softer than his speaking voice, his accent thicker.

_“Your eyes are everlasting, the green spark of the blue-eyed grass of early summer, the green-blue wild cress washed by the spring.”_

He looks up at Rafael, their own blue and green eyes meeting. The very air seems to have shifted, it’s heavy, like there is a tension hanging over them, a moment waiting to happen.

Sonny coughs, his cheeks pink, and drops his gaze back to his book.

_“At twenty, yes: we thought we’d live forever. At forty-five, I want to know even our limits.”_

He puts the book down and picks up his notepad. His hand is trembling as he writes.

“You uh, you’ve got some more ideas?” Rafael asks.

“I think so. She keeps mentioning their age, and comparing what it would be like if they were together when they were young, but she seems happy that they aren’t? Like there’s a comfort in being in love when you’re older. Like maybe you’ve grown old together.”

He holds the book out to Rafael. “Can you read the last bit? I wanna make some more notes.”

When Raf takes the book, their fingers brush and there is the briefest crackle of static electricity. They both jump, and the tension is cut by a startled laugh from Sonny.

“Sorry, sorry.” Sonny’s voice is breathy.

“It’s fine,” Rafael assures him. He turns the book around.

_“I touch you knowing we weren’t born tomorrow,”_ His eyes are on Sonny more than the page. His fingertips tingle, wanting to touch Sonny again. Wanting to brush their hands together, wanting to stroke his fingers down Sonny’s blushing cheeks, to feel the heat of them.

_“and somehow, each of us will help the other live, and somewhere, each of us must help the other die.”_

He puts the book down. Sonny’s mouth is slightly open, his lips parted in a silent “oh”. His pen sits lax in his hand.

“Do you think that helped?” Rafael asks. His voice is husky, laden with other unspoken questions. He is not actually asking if his reading helped Sonny with his poetry analysis, and from the look on Sonny’s face, he knows as much.

Rafael walks slowly towards the sofa, repeating a line from the poem that is resounding in his brain.

_“And you, you move toward me,”_

Sonny stands up and moves to meet Rafael.

_“with the same tempo.”_ He finishes the line as they reach each other.

Up close, Sonny’s eyes are vibrant, sparkling. His lips are curved into a small smile as his eyes drift over Rafael’s face. Rafael tilts his head up minutely, the barest tilt of his chin. Sonny’s hand reaches out to tangle with one of his, and their fingers twine together.

Sonny drops his head down, pressing his forehead against Rafael’s. This close, his warm breath fans across Rafael’s face. They stand there, not speaking, just sharing the moment of quietly breathing together.

“Are you going to kiss me?” Sonny asks.

“I don’t think that’s a line in the poem,” Rafael murmurs, but he smiles as he says it, and cups a hand over Sonny’s cheek. It’s as warm as he imagined, the heat of his blush suffusing Rafael’s touch.

He keeps his eyes on Sonny’s as he leans up. Sonny’s tongue darts out to lick at his lower lip and Rafael wants to suck it into his mouth. He settles for pressing his lips against the spot Sonny has just licked, and then he is opening his mouth, sucking at Sonny’s lower lip and releasing it, sliding his tongue out and into Sonny’s mouth.

Sonny gasps once, and Rafael inhales it, the kiss deepening as they both clutch at each other eagerly. They fumble their way back to the couch, reluctant to break the kiss, and they fall onto it, Rafael seated with Sonny on his lap.

Sonny moans against Rafael’s mouth, their tongues meeting and Rafael wraps his arms around Sonny’s body and pulls him closer, down, Sonny’s knees spreading further apart as he slides against Rafael’s thighs until they are pressed together.

Rafael can feel Sonny’s dick hard against his stomach and he rolls his hips slowly, letting Sonny feel his own hardness. Sonny’s hips buck in response and Rafael groans as Sonny grinds down on him. He wants to keep going, but he also knows they need to stop before they wind up taking this too far for the night.

He finally breaks the kiss, putting a hand on Sonny’s chest and gently pushing him back. His other hand is on Sonny’s waist, stroking at the skin just under his shirt hem and above his waistband.

Sonny stares at him, his lips shiny and swollen pink.

“I really like you, Sonny,” Rafael starts, and Sonny smiles goofily down at him.

“I like you too, Raf.”

“No, I mean. I don’t want this to just be a hookup. I’m not, I don’t really do casual that well.”

Sonny sits back, sliding down a bit between Raf’s open thighs. He brings a thumb to his mouth and picks at his nail.

“So what are you saying?” Sonny asks.

Rafael draws Sonny’s hand away from his mouth, clasping it between both of his.

“I’m saying, I like you and I don’t want to be casual about it. I’m saying I want to date you.”

“Oh,” Sonny blushes. “Yeah, okay. That’s, that’s good. I’d like that.”

“Yeah?” Rafael smiles widely.

“Yeah.” Sonny’s smile is wide, his dimples deep, and Rafael wants to lick them, wants again to taste the heat of his flushed skin.

He settles for another kiss, softer, slower. Sonny winds his hand in Rafael’s hair, not pulling, but enough of a tug that he feels himself getting excited again, and he pulls back, breathless.

“We can take it slow, yeah?” He tells Sonny. “We’ve got time.”

_“At twenty, yes: we thought we’d live forever,”_ Sonny says.

_“At forty-five, I want to know even our limits.”_ Rafael replies.


End file.
